I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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