I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
