My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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