Me. At least after what I've been through.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
