That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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