Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
