Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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