Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
