omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
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