i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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