I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
