dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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