I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
