So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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