I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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