Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
