If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
