Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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