i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Randomize
