once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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