Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
