She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My liver is preforming stress tests.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I licked your asshole in confidence.