is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
