Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
