you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night