and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
