My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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