He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
