my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize