im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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