you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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