I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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