Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
