just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
