My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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