your room smells of hookers.
And success
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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