The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
