I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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