you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Mom said you looked used
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
