Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
