chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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