I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
