I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
