i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
