I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He shit in the fireplace
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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