"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
