Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
