are you still at the devil's house?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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