I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
