He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
