so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
