Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
