After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
