Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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