Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
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Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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