I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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