Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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