just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
