One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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