so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
