A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you had me at cake vodka
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
