rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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