You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
