is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
