Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We are all done wearing pants today
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize