true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
