it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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