i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
