I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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