Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
