I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
