He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
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Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
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Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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